Chapter 27 Reading Losing My Virginity Manufar Rashin Budurci by MADHURI BANERJEE

heard in a woman. "

"Then suddenly, I became a little defensive. After all, I was drunk. And I was alone in"

"this new country and this man seemed to know too many things about me. Look, I said a"

"little abruptly, I m not interested & I just wanted to have dinner. So I m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression or anything. I started trying to give him an explanation while finding money in my wallet."

" Senorita, please don t be offended. I will go away right now and never bother you again if you say so. And then he looked at me with wide eyes and said, But please don t say so! and laughed."

"I smiled. He was so charming. He was a young boy who could not have been more than twenty-five years old. But he had shoulder length dark curly hair that he tied in a low ponytail and a trimmed French beard that made his blue eyes sparkle. As I noticed him with greater attention, I saw that he had a slim body that was not too muscular. Fit. Sinewy. Strong. His arm had some bruises that had healed and faded. He was unconventionally good looking. He wore distressed jeans and a white Armani shirt. And his smell? Polo. Ralph Lauren. Fresh. Attractive. Young. So desirable."

"A little voice in my head said, It s okay if you want to be with someone. Stop judging people. And they won t judge you. "

" Well, what s your name? I asked a little flirtatiously."

" Ray, he said, while sitting down at the table next to me."

" Well Ray, do you flirt with all your customers or is it a promotional policy from the management? I asked."

Oh! Flirt? This is not flirting. This is just conversation. You should see me flirt! he exclaimed with a smile.

I laughed as he poured some more wine into my glass.

" Okay, show me! I said daringly. I had begun to like this boy. He then rose and went to the back of the restaurant from where he brought out a guitar. He came back and sat at my table and began to sing! This boy was serenading me in a restaurant with his deep, beautiful voice in a language that was as rich as the dark chocolate cake in front of me."

"When he finished, a few people clapped along with me and he got up and bowed to the other tables. He turned to me and said, Well, does that impress you enough to go out with me? "

"I shrug my shoulders and said, Eh, not too impressed! "

"He then got down on one knee, and for a moment I was stunned. I had a d�j� vu. I had once told Arjun that I wanted to be proposed to on bended knees, like the Mills and Boon stories I had read, in an exotic location in front of the whole world. And here I was, getting that from a complete stranger. So what if it wasn t for marriage. It meant something larger in my head."

"Instantly, I panicked and got up. I mumbled an apology and ran from that restaurant. My head was filled with thoughts about how I didn t want to be led astray by another man and how I didn t want to give out any more vibes that I m readily available again"

for marriage.

Forty-five

"The next morning I woke up feeling guilty for my rudeness. So instead of walking around to explore more of Antoni Gaudi s works or the city itself, I found myself pulled back to that little restaurant. I wanted to see that waiter again. It wasn t because I was attracted to him, honestly we would have nothing in common, it was because I wanted to tell him I was sorry for my dismissive behaviour the previous night. But he was nowhere to be found."

"I went up to the manager who was standing at the front of the restaurant writing something on a piece of paper and asked him, Excuse me. "

"He looked up and said, Si? "

"I had forgotten his name so I was struggling with the words, This might seem like a weird question & but do you know where that waiter from last night is? He is skinny, dark hair, cute & "

" Ahh Ray. Yes, he has gone to do his day job. His day job? "

" Yes, he only works at nights here. Evening shift, you know. "

" Okay, I tried to make sense of this and what was even more puzzling was why I wanted to pursue this."

He is a tour guide for Barcelona buses.

"I wanted to apologize, so I went off to find the tour buses and say goodbye. When I got to the Barcelona tour bus origin, I could see he was hanging around with a few other bus operators smoking a cigarette. He didn t look that skinny today. He looked fresh, as if his face had been scrubbed and his hair caught the sunlight and shone. He didn t seem that old, but his self assurance could be seen in his confident body language. He saw me from a distance and started walking towards me. He flicked his cigarette into the waterfront as he approached me."

" Hola, Senorita, he said smiling, but a little distant."

" Hola, Ray, I said."

We stood there in silence. Obviously it was my turn to speak and I didn t know what to say.

" Why are you here? he asked, before I could speak. I took a moment to answer. He tilted his head to one side and I could see how gorgeous he was. His mop of shiny hair left loose today and those piercing blue eyes made me feel inadequate and it was strange. I was an independent, strong woman."

I wanted to apologize for my behaviour yesterday. I am generally not like that. I have

"become very guarded & Can we start over? I trailed off, and then I put my hand out and"

"said, I m Kaveri. "

"He kept quiet and then took his hand out and said, Hi, I m Ray. I know, I said. You told me last night. "

" Yes. But I wanted to make a new impression. I wanted to start afresh, Kaveri. He said my name with a roll in the r and I liked it. So I smiled."

You smile. Will you run away again? Because yesterday you were smiling and then you ran away. I didn t know I sang that badly! he looked shocked and offended.

" No, no, Ray, I said, and gently put my hand on his arm. You sing beautifully. In fact, you are the most beautiful singer I know. "

In looks? he teased. I blushed. What was happening to me?

" That too. I said, and pulled my hand away from him."

"He caught it and held it gently. We started walking towards the sea front. This was so new and yet felt so familiar to me. This warm assurance. The soft hand. The comfortable silence. I forgot he was a stranger. I forgot he was younger. Way younger. I forgot he was a waiter and a bus driver. I forgot, because he seemed to be so much more. From so much planning in my life I had come upon this moment where, for the first time, I didn t know what would happen or how I would react. And then I thought about it. I suppressed my heart and thought about it."

"I let go of those stupid notions in my head of an ideal man. The perfect love. So what if he wasn t an intellectual who could teach me art. So what if he wasn t brown skinned and from my motherland and who understood my customs. So what if he wasn t tall, dark and handsome like a model. So what if he was younger. These things did not seem to matter right now."

Did I tell you I was named because my mother saw a ray of light the first thing she opened her eyes after she delivered me? he said looking down at me. He was almost my height. But I rested my head on his shoulder and it seemed he was taller.

"I had always gone with my heart instead of my head. I had loved Arjun with all my heart and had lost my head. And I had loved Karan and Aaron with my heart to blur out my head. But for the first time my head and my heart were telling me that this was the right thing. You know, Ray, I said, feeling very romantic, I think I want to know more about you. "

" Whatever you want, my senorita, he said, while kissing my hand and walking."

"And somewhere right then, I knew that there was a prophecy that was beckoning, and a plane ticket I needed to reschedule."

"But at the time, all I said was, Can I buy you a cup of coffee, Ray? "

Acknowledgements

"I thought I d be giving an Oscar speech one day and start by saying, I d like to thank God and my parents & blah blah blah. But since that hasn t happened so far and my"

"parents have got tired of waiting, I thought I should add a note to them:"

"Thanks, Mom and Dad, for being my unending support (and ATM), way past my"

formative years. I love you both dearly.

And also &

Sunaman Thanks for letting me take my time to write a book that I promised I would

ten years ago and for letting me be who I am for the entire time together.

Dadu Thanks for knowing I can write and encouraging me from far.

Ariaana My sweetest treasure. You ve given me a new way of looking at life. I love you the most in the whole world! I attempt to make you proud of me everyday and will

do so till I die.

"Ani I know we ve always dreamt of being famous together, but bro, I m ahead of you!"

Love you always.

Parikshit We don t need the words. I m grateful to God for giving me that one studio

where you walked into my life &

"Bharati Thanks for all the magical getaways that helped me write this book. You inspire me to be a better writer, a stronger person and a greater human being. Without"

"you, this book would not have taken shape. I ll love you always, with all my heart."

Vaishali I m so happy that my first manuscript landed in your lap. You re more than a

"great editor, you re a lovely friend."

My in-laws and Arindam You re the best family a girl could have. The fact that you re

so proud of me at all the Delhi parties gives a huge boost to my ego! Thank you.

Neha You re the best sister in the world. Truly. Honestly.

"To everyone who asked me the question, What are you doing with your life nowadays? "

"And to which I replied, I m writing a book. I d like to say thanks for the knowing"

smile. It encouraged me further.

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Copyright � Madhuri Banerjee 2011 All rights reserved

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